It’s summer. It’s hot as hell. Our government is totally dysfunctional. Unemployment is too high. The health care law is falling apart in an abyss of lawlessness. There are train derailments, plane crashes, and forest fires. CNN “live blogs” the hopeless media circus of the Zimmerman trial, while an American traitor abroad mulls which corrupt Latin American “human rights paradise” to sell out to. And I just got a check in the mail from the Canadian government because I qualify as officially impoverished. Life is hard.
But you can do something about it. You must do something about it.
The most important thing you can do today is vote for Ian Desmond to go to the 2013 Major League Baseball All-Star Game.
You must cling to the knowledge that, unlike in many municipal, state, or federal elections, each vote actually matters. And you can vote thousands, millions of times (between now and Thursday at 4PM eastern time). You can vote as many times as humanly possible.
You can rejoice that your candidate, the best shortstop in the National League, is deserving of your support. He has not been bought by outside interests. His heart is pure and his fielding flawless. For goodness sake, he started out in the Expos farm system. Give the poor boy a break.
You can stubbornly proclaim that in the midst of the arbitrary caprice of life, you’ve found the most important thing: doing good for your fellow man. Especially if that man wears a Nationals uniform and owns one of the Nats’ two grand slams this season (so far!).
Did I mention Desi also volunteers his time sharing baseball with disadvantaged DC kids and regularly shows his support for our servicemen and women by visiting wounded veterans? Or that he strongly advocates for Nats fans singing the National Anthem loud and proud as our stadium’s own local tradition?
And since you can also vote for an American League player, choose David Robertson (D-Rob). Gotta support a man who wears high socks (and throws the ball pretty well).
But you may be thinking, “I have better things to do today than vote for baseball players I’ve never even met, to play in a game I won’t be attending.” But the answer is– no, you don’t have better things to do. You will feel a rush of adrenaline as you type the five number sequence in the “Captcha” box for each additional vote, and it will start to feel like punching out the numbers on a somewhat lame typing version of whack-a-mole. You will become addicted.
You can vote while listening to music, you can vote while riding the Metro, you can vote while listening to a ballgame on the radio (and honestly, what’s better than that?!), you can vote while having your morning coffee, or you can vote while having lunch. You can vote when you’re supposed to be working. You can vote when you should be sleeping.
You can even vote by texting N1 to 89269 (or 101010 in Canada). Put that unlimited text messaging plan to good use!
And the ultimate reward is knowing that with your work, you can help prevent Yasiel Puig (whose Golden Sombrero the other night against San Francisco should automatically disqualify him) and Freddie Freeman (who is half Canuck and strangely resembles the less handsome sort of beaver) from making our squad.
You can even see how well your jurisdiction is doing in the voting by checking out MLB’s awesome updating map. I am pretty sure I account for the whole Canada vote tally for Ian Desmond. But we can all do better!
And if anything truly matters today, it’s finding a way to tune out the madness of the world. If you’re going to be on the computer today, don’t pull up a news website. Turn off CNN and turn on Charlie Slowes. Refuse to be dragged out of the magical world of baseball.
You can’t save the world today, but you can make childhood dreams come true. Ian Desmond is currently 4th in the All-Star voting and he needs your help.
Isn’t that a better use of your time anyway?